Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
