I hate all girls vehemently.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
