He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
