Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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