FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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