at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
