dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
