I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
