All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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