We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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