A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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