who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
