Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
