If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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