i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
