What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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