why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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