Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
