You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
