Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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