i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
