id be glad to
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
