Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
