I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
