he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
