I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It all started with a game of naked twister.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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