make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
