Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I need a beard to bite.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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