don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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