I need help removing her.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
