Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
