Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
