hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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