Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
