Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize
