did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
