You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
