just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My penis needs a shock collar
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
