Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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