Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
