just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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