How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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