i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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