i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's rum buckets o'clock
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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