I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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