I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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