why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
