Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
