the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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