I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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